The Problem with Perfectionism: Why Good Enough is Actually Great

Perfectionism. It sounds like a compliment wrapped in ambition, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to be “perfect,” excelling in every task, meeting every expectation, and living a life free from flaws? But here’s the kicker: perfectionism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, striving for perfection can actually work against you, leading to stress, burnout, and a host of other issues. Let’s dive into why embracing imperfection might just be the best thing you can do for your mental health, productivity, and sanity.

What Is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well; it’s about setting impossibly high standards and basing your self-worth on achieving them. Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett (1991) identified three types of perfectionism:

1. Self-oriented perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high expectations for yourself.

2. Socially prescribed perfectionism: Feeling pressured to meet the standards imposed by others.

3. Other-oriented perfectionism: Holding others to impossibly high standards (looking at you, micromanagers).

While striving for excellence is healthy, perfectionism takes it to a toxic level. It’s less about achieving goals and more about avoiding failure—and that’s where the trouble starts.

The Science of Why Perfectionism Hurts

Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism doesn’t lead to better outcomes. In fact, it often does the opposite. Research has consistently shown that perfectionism is associated with higher levels of anxiety, depression, and burnout (Smith et al., 2016). This makes sense when you think about it: how can anyone thrive under constant pressure to never make a mistake?

Perfectionists are also more likely to procrastinate (Stoeber & Otto, 2006). Why? Because the fear of not doing something perfectly can paralyze you into doing… nothing. It’s like staring at a blank Word document, telling yourself it has to be Pulitzer-worthy, and then deciding to reorganize your sock drawer instead.

Worse yet, perfectionism doesn’t just hurt you—it can hurt your relationships. Socially prescribed perfectionism, for example, has been linked to feelings of isolation and a higher risk of developing interpersonal problems (Sherry et al., 2016). When you believe others expect you to be flawless, it’s hard to show vulnerability or ask for help.

The Roots of Perfectionism

So, where does perfectionism come from? Like most things, it’s a mix of nature and nurture. Studies suggest that personality traits like conscientiousness and neuroticism can predispose someone to perfectionism (Stoeber, 2018). Add a dash of societal pressure—think Instagram-worthy lifestyles and unrealistic beauty standards—and a sprinkle of childhood experiences, like overcritical parenting or praise tied solely to achievements, and voilà: the recipe for a perfectionist.

When Perfectionism Pretends to Be Your Friend

Perfectionism can be sneaky. It often disguises itself as a virtue, whispering, “You’re not being too hard on yourself—you’re just disciplined!” But here’s the reality: perfectionism can trick you into tying your self-worth to your accomplishments. When you inevitably fall short of your impossibly high standards, the result is a cycle of shame and self-criticism.

Even worse, perfectionism can make you miss the forest for the trees. A 2019 study by Molnar et al. found that perfectionists tend to focus so much on details that they lose sight of the bigger picture. For example, if you spend hours tweaking the font on a presentation, you might not leave enough time to rehearse the actual content.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism

Ready to break up with perfectionism? It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Here are a few tips to get started:

1. Challenge your inner critic: When you catch yourself thinking, “This isn’t good enough,” ask, “According to whom?” Perfectionist standards are often self-imposed and arbitrary.

2. Redefine success: Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on progress. Did you learn something new? Improve a skill? Celebrate that!

3. Practice self-compassion: According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is a powerful antidote to perfectionism. When you’re kind to yourself in the face of mistakes, you’re more likely to bounce back and grow (Neff, 2011).

4. Embrace “good enough”: Sometimes, done is better than perfect. No one’s grading your grocery list or judging the symmetry of your folded laundry (and if they are, you don’t need that kind of negativity).

5. Seek support: Therapy can be incredibly helpful for unpacking the roots of perfectionism and learning healthier coping mechanisms.

The Beauty of Imperfection

Here’s the thing: life is messy. It’s full of typos, spilled coffee, and projects that don’t go according to plan. But it’s also full of creativity, resilience, and growth—all of which thrive in imperfection.

As Brené Brown (2010) famously said, “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” So, the next time you find yourself agonizing over a tiny mistake or feeling like you’re not measuring up, take a deep breath and remind yourself: perfect is overrated.

Conclusion

Perfectionism might promise you a flawless life, but what it delivers is stress, self-doubt, and missed opportunities. Letting go of perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards; it’s about embracing your humanity. Because, at the end of the day, “good enough” is often exactly what you need.

References

Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.

Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456–470.

Molnar, D. S., Sirois, F. M., & Schwartzman, L. (2019). A longitudinal examination of perfectionism and health: Testing the stress-generation hypothesis. Journal of Research in Personality, 83, 103867.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1–12.

Sherry, S. B., Mackinnon, S. P., & Nealis, L. J. (2016). Perfectionism and interpersonal problems. Journal of Personality, 84(2), 176–187.

Smith, M. M., Sherry, S. B., & Saklofske, D. H. (2016). Perfectionism and depression. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 63(1), 80–92.

Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295–319.